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Divorce is tough on everyone, but children often pay the highest price when the fighting and anger continue even after the adults have gone their separate ways.
Here are five tips for keeping the peace with your ex, for the children’s sake:
1. Don’t sweat the small stuff:
“If both parents can develop a level of trust in each other (admittedly a very difficult thing to do in the face of a divorce or the end of a relationship), then they can reduce resentments by having less inclination to micromanage what takes place in each other’s home. There is a difference between bad parenting and just different parenting styles. Differing parenting styles are not necessarily bad, but the more that parents can collaborate to create consistency between the parenting styles in their separate homes without imposing rigid requirements on each other, the less likely the children will view one home as ‘better’ or ‘more fun’ than the other.”
2. Remember the basics:
“The most important factor to consider in your custody schedule is your child’s best interests. The court is primarily concerned that your schedule provides the stability and security your child needs. Although we often think of parental visitation in terms of rights, visitation is also a parental obligation. As such, parental availability must be maximized when establishing your custody schedule.”
3. Let technology be your friend:
“Precedents are growing throughout the country for the inclusion or allowance of virtual visitation in a parenting plan… Technology is a boon to families who are not nearby and a skilled divorce lawyer can help you to arrange for virtual visitation. Email, texting, instant messaging and web cameras on phones or computers can strengthen the bond between parents and children.”
4. Don’t leave anyone out:
“Be sure that both of you have contacted the schools, coaches, doctors and anyone else who has contact with the kids on a regular basis, so that all of those folks have both parents’ contact information and know to call or email both of you. This saves one parent from feeling left out and one parent being put unfairly in an ‘assistant’ position. The information about activities, doctor’s appointments, etc. can all go into that mutual Internet calendar so all can see.”
5. Talk to your kids about what’s going on:
“Be prepared to have many conversations with your children about the divorce – they should be given many opportunities to communicate their thoughts and feelings, none of which should be dismissed. Read books about divorce to young children and encourage young children and teenagers to express themselves through art and music.”
The Servicemember’s Civil Relief Act (SCRA) expanded and improved the former Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Civil Relief Act (SSCRA). The SCRA provides a wide range of protections for individuals entering, called to active duty in the military, or deployed servicemembers. It is intended to postpone or suspend certain civil obligations to enable service members to devote full attention to duty and relieve stress on the family members of those deployed servicemembers. A few examples of such obligations you may be protected against are:
I believe it is possible to lower the higher divorce rate for second marriages. Before entering into another relationship, you must be willing to take the time for your own personal development and learn healthy relationship skills that will move your life forward after the first divorce.
The depressed housing market is magnifying that tension. “In an average divorce, the biggest asset is the home,” says Evan Sussman, a divorce attorney in Beverly Hills, Calif. “People have lost value on their homes, and they are unable to sell. The equity they had in the home is down.”
In fact, nearly 40% of couples considering a divorce have postponed plans to split because of the economy, according to a recent survey of more than 1,000 couples by the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. The study also found that 12% of couples have had trouble paying a mortgage or experienced foreclosure.
Couples who are moving forward with a divorce this year in spite of market obstacles face tough choices: Keep the house and wait to sell until the market is better? Live together in the meantime? Sell now no matter what? When it comes to the house, arriving at a fair solution requires balancing financial decisions and weighing emotional pros and cons.
“Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” George Santayana
Santayana’s warning could apply equally to personal history, like a divorce. Yet despite this, past statistics have shown that in the U.S., 50 percent of first marriages, 67 percent of second, and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce. What are the reasons for this progressive increase in divorce rates?